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Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You ruined the universe
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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