Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
