You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
