What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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