You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
