The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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