When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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