I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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