Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am available for nakedness
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
