Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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