If i come over, it means nothing
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
