Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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