Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
