he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
