if you like me you must not know who I am
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
