If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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