I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
