Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My penis needs a shock collar
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
