NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
