The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
