So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
