Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
