ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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