I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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