I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
