Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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