note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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