sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
