I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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