New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
