; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
