btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
