went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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