suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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