she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
