Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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