he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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