I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
