whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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