Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
