a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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