I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
