Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
