Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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