Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
