my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize