I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
