just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
