There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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