I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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