I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
