Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
