There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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