I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize