You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
