Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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