You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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