Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
