man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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