I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
