All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
