A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its about making memories worth repressing
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
