Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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