My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
