I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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