yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
