Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
