I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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