I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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