I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
