also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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