How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
