She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
