I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
be right there i have to get my cape
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
