I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
