It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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