Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
