my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
