i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
