Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
