the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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