Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
