you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
