My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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