I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You pole danced in your parka.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
